| so if you're gonna try and walk on water, make sure you wear your comfortable shoes |
[January 7th, 2012 / 12:00am] |
2011 was a hard year, and this one will be challenging, too.
I feel quite old. It's odd. I don't think I can really explain it. And yet I still feel as though I'm adjusting to life, or whatever this is.
Here's my LJ, which I will update more often than this one.
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[April 11th, 2011 / 12:56am] |
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music |
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gay human bones; harlem |
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I constantly feel as though I'm competing with others. This only feed my jealousy, greed, ego.
But there's nothing more annoying than idiots who contribute nothing to society succeed in life. I just can't tolerate those who are so ordinary, talentless, and undemanding 'achieve' something undeservedly in life... This just happens to apply to 98% of the people that exist.
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| between you and me, i can honestly say things can only get better. |
[April 3rd, 2011 / 4:35pm] |
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music |
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i guess that's why they call it the blues; elton john |
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I want to live somewhere else. Mainly because I don't like the suburbs. But I think I might also want to get away from everyone, and this is quite problematic because the people I can't understand are the ones I cannot avoid. I can forget about certain acquaintances -- I don't care for those relationships anymore. Family, though? That's a different case. We're forever bound. That's one problem you can't escape.
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[January 27th, 2011 / 1:13am] |
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music |
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so young; suede |
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Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question...
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.
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[November 18th, 2010 / 2:49am] |
Life has proved me wrong. Nothing went as planned. That's not intended to express lament, although I have grieved over certain matters. Too much is changing. Not me, though. I haven't changed. Rather, I am simply learning more about myself. At least that's what I make of this.
I'm at a terrible crossroad in life. "What do I want in life?" has become, "What will life offer me?" I certainly do not feel as though I possess my life. It's entirely depressing. Just as I was feeling entirely emotionally mature, confusion striked again.
All I need is a better sense of self to overcome experiences I may face in life.
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| I don't mind people dancing wildly at shows. |
[June 18th, 2010 / 7:21pm] |
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It looks fun, but I don't experience music that way. I'm one of those odd, lame nerds that becomes transfixed on the music. Honestly, I can listen to a song over and over, trying to discover each layer. It's important that I focus on all the elements -- the composition, distinguish the instruments, interpret the lyrics, contemplate how the artist manifests a theme, etc.
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| 90s nostalgia. |
[June 7th, 2010 / 6:11pm] |
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| present company accepted. present company. |
[June 7th, 2010 / 5:53pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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I'm seeing MGMT in August! It should be exciting since I'm completely in love with their new album, Congratulations.
Unfortunately, though, I've missed Passion Pit and Julian Casablancas.
Harlem and Surfer Blood are also touring here, but I won't be able to go. I'm tight on money right now. :(
( Maybe I can see LCD Soundsystem live in the future. )
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| Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. |
[May 31st, 2010 / 9:06pm] |
I saw Taxi Driver for the hundredth time, it seems. It ranks among my favorites because each time I watch it, I feel as though I learn something new.
Most of my favorite on screen portrayals pertain to the sociopathic characters. Anton, Alex DeLarge, Hannibal, Mr. Blonde, Jack Torrence, Frank Booth, and so on.
There's something strangely compelling about their personas.
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| sweet childhood memories. |
[May 16th, 2010 / 7:39pm] |
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[May 11th, 2010 / 3:12pm] |
I completed my first year of college, and I'm sorry to say, but it was not what I had expected. The experience was not one that I had hoped for it, but it did teach me something. College is a lot like high school, unfortunately. I was naive to expect students to manage their priorities better -- to set aside their puerile relationships and college booze parties -- and instead focus on their academic goals.
Like high school, it's important for the individual to align himself with the right crowd.
As for the future, I like to make plans, but I can't think about it too much. Yes, I'd like to attend law school. I would also love to travel abroad in the next few years, settle in a new urban area, and work for an organization that shares my values. That's all I ask of life. I'm willing to sacrifice having a partner and even children. But what does the future hold for me? If I always wonder about that, then I would not be able to sleep at night.
I'd like to rant more, but there's something much more imperative at hand. It bothers me how had it been another nation who spilled oil into the Gulf of Mexico, we (Americans) would feel outraged. We put standards that we cannot abide by.
( We could have saved the Earth, but we were too damned cheap. )
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| there's tarts and whores, but you're much more. |
[April 21st, 2010 / 5:28pm] |
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the butterfly collector; the jam |
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It amuses me how listening to The Kinks or Blur make me nostalgic for an era I didn't witness, or belong to. Had I the resources, I would gladly bundle my belongings and move to the U.K. I hope to one day become an expatriate.
Leonard Cohen can sum it up in one quote:
"I love the country, but I can't stand the scene."
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| be easy on the kid! |
[April 16th, 2010 / 12:56pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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for the price of a cup of tea; belle and sebastian |
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Although I tend to update about music or school work, I want to collect my thoughts on a certain issue.
I don't know how absurd this will sound, but sometimes I wonder whether or not I will grow old and die alone. This is not meant to startle anyone. In fact, I don't think it's alarming. Surely other people feel this way. Allow me to elaborate. Over the years, I have formed wonderful friendships, but they're limited. When I reminisce on the times I was asked out, and directly rejected these offers, I ask myself, "How will I act when I'm in that situation?" Who wants to be with someone who cannot form a meaningful relationship?
This isn't an entry directed at romantic relationships. On the contrary, I just can't seem to relate much to people as of lately. I've had small talks with people, but aside from a minor exchange, nothing forms. There are times when a friend will make a joke, anything trivial, and I have to tell myself to laugh. And when asked about myself, I tend to give brief responses. It's not an issue of comfort; it's a lack of interest. Friends normally strike up a tête-á-tête about news or art to spark my participation. It's become quotidian.
There is the option of treatment, as I'm certain this problem can be handled. My conclusion, though, is that I've grown extensively disconnected. I'm prone to debate an issue, even with a stranger, but only if it's about a topic that I'm passionate about. Otherwise, I'm quite reserved, appearing a complete introvert. Discussing my life or listening to someone else's problems does not hold my attention.
I can go days without talking to a person, indulging in my books and records. Frankly, I enjoy my long and lonely walks around town. There's a tranquility to it that I've never sensed in anything else. But I'm conscious this could affect my relationships. So if I continue this route, am I condemning myself? And how much of this should matter? To illustrate my point, I'm going off to read a book to lighten up.
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| i wish i were in glasgow right now. |
[April 15th, 2010 / 12:37am] |
Sometimes, I just want to lie in bed and listen to music. Forget yesterday's regrets, today's worries, and not even ponder tomorrow's upsets.
( Some music to share. )
By the way: I want to apologize for the lack of commenting and updating. Schoolwork has really disconnected me from IJ. : (
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| men of good fortune often cause empires to fall. |
[March 20th, 2010 / 9:36pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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men of good fortune; lou reed |
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I'm quite fascinated by lomography.
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| i dream a nation of you. |
[March 18th, 2010 / 8:58pm] |
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music |
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lucid dreams; franz ferdinand |
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( My iTunes Genius Mixes )
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| she don't rock 'n' roll; she don't like it. |
[March 16th, 2010 / 10:48pm] |
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here i go; syd barrett |
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Listening to The Madcap Laughs makes me long for my vinyl records.
I miss all those trendy vinyl record stores in Washington, D.C. : (
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| are you really happy in his shaking arms? |
[March 15th, 2010 / 2:02pm] |
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are you ready? graham coxon |
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I almost feel obliged to purchase a shirt that reads, "I'M NOT A HIPSTER!" Although I don't take the term as an invective, I do detest being placed in some pretentious subculture.
Ironically, in sociology, we're learning how individuals must belong to an organization that shares similar interests. It seems a bit silly to me. Well, I understand the context, but perhaps I just don't have that urge to belong in a group. In fact, I prefer being alone most times. Perhaps I have not met the right type of people. For instance, I can strike casual conversations, but I quickly lose interest. That does not make me anti-social, although I can understand how someone might confuse me for one.
Well, on another note, I might go to Lollapalooza. I cannot explain how enthralling it would be to see The Strokes and Soundgarden live. But more importantly, Pearl Jam is coming to Virginia! I'd be an idiot to miss that.
So... This summer, I might:
- get a Welsh Corgi and name him Picasso
- travel to Lollapalooza and watch two of my favorite artists headline the event
- see Pearl Jam for the third time!
- watch the World Cup, possibly fearful and nervous.
- visit Beck at NYU! : )
- finally purchase an acoustic guitar and practice several covers (especially Blur, Ben Kweller and Little Joy)
- seriously consider transferring to another school and forget this sad, lonely town
Now, if only March and April could quickly pass me by...
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[March 13th, 2010 / 7:51pm] |
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mood |
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recumbent |
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music |
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cousins; vampire weekend |
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Spring break is almost over and I'm already feeling lethargic. I have spent my days writing short stories, reading A Long Way Gone, polishing some Lou Reed vinyls my father owns, and playing baseball and football (or should I say soccer?) with my neighbor. I'm upset that Beck could not spend this week with me at home. Apparently, NYU's spring break starts next week, when I'm back on campus. : (
I like to ease my separation anxiety with the thought that I only have seven more weeks to go. It's a comforting thought. And yet, it's a bit numbing. By May, I'll be done with classes. I'll have officially completed my freshman college year. But the unsettling part is how much I've disliked it. I won't lie about it; I haven't enjoyed it. Not at all.
I won't linger in this bout of self-pity, though. After all, I feel like I've developed into a more emotionally mature person on campus. Or maybe I'd like to think that... Either way, it's been a harsh learning experience.
( The ABC's of me. )
I'm starting to consider signing up on Tumblr.
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| please don't adjust that smile. |
[February 24th, 2010 / 1:15am] |
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music |
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what makes him act so bad; adam green |
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Ten more days until Spring Break. Just ten more. I don't know if I'll withstand it. Professors have a way of cramming essays and exams on the days leading up to break.
However, school work does help get me busy. And distracted. Lately, my relationship with my roommate has been ardently strained. We're not really on speaking terms, but I think it helps. The more we interacted, the more conflicts aroused. (She had a knack for pretending to be my friend, but quickly whined about my demeanor to friends). I never claimed to be the easiest person to get along with. But I did offer my sincere friendship to her. Ah, well. Just another experience, I suppose.
Enough about my unexceptional life. : ) More Adam Green, because I can't stop playing his new album. And I'm suddenly becoming drawn into The Cribs. Another obsession, haha.
This is honestly one of the best Lou Reed recreations I have ever heard. ♥
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